it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
