Sry I called you an 8
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
