Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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