He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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