he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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