Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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