did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
