those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
