the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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