You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
