Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
