I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
