Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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