how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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