we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
