does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
