just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize