Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
