It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
