why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
