I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
