Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
