i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
