soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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