Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
i think my cat just said my name.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
