I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
