Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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