i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
