Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
How does it feel to date your dad?
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