Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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