That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
