This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
