He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
