I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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