booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We're too hungover to prance.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
