my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
