just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
