That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Green mimosas i think yes
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
