sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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