she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
