We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
