Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
