i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
