I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
