I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We need to get me chipped asap
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
