You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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