i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
