Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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