You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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