I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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