I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
