Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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