just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
