I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
