I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
