I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
