I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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