She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
