I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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