And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
