I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
