i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
