you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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