I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We are two peas in an std pod
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
