those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
