i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
