My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
