hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
