you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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