dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
