the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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