last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
