I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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