If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
