She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
