The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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